FAQ's

Why should I buy from ToBeHis?

We are people just like you, just a normal D/s married couple living and working in the lifestyle.  Just like many of our customers, we live between the two worlds of the "lifestyle" and the "vanilla" world.  This gives us a tremendous insight and experience in what we do.  We are also consumers just like you.  We have kids, a home, pets and a mortgage etc...  We want the best quality for our hard earned money and expect nothing more than the best customer service.  This is the business philosophy we run ToBeHis on.  We strive to use the best quality materials, have the best workmanship, and give our honored customers the Superior Customer Service they deserve.  With ToBeHis you can always expect the best of everything.  

We started ToBeHis almost 10 years ago and are one of the first BDSM Day Collar stores to ever exist.  During this time we have worked so very hard to bring you the most beautiful, unique and Best Day Collars and locks in the world.  We take pride in what we do and strive for perfection with each custom piece we make.

We are YOU and we know what you want and need...  Remember, not all similar things are the same...  We have many competitors who have copied our items and use inferior materials and workmanship.  When you purchase from ToBeHis you can be assured you are getting the best product for your money.  Remember, you get what you pay for... Not all Day Collar stores uphold such a high standard.

WELCOME TO TOBEHIS!!

Watch our Story Video:  Click Here

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How long does it take to ship?

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What lock is shown on the model in the pictures?

The  product picture in each listing on the model's neck is typically shown with the Mini Sized Heart lock.  This lock is basically the same size in all 4 metal types (Nickel Plated, Sterling, 14K Gold, 316L Stainless).  Some modeled pictures have our World Famous Screw Clasp and generally style #1.  If you have any other questions please email us.

Free Nickel Plated Lock VS. Upgraded Sterling Silver or Stainless Steel Lock - Which is best?

.First we want to make clear the the Nickel Plated locks are considered to be only TEMPORARY and while they can be bathed in without damaging the function of the lock, the plating will eventually wear off (1-3 months) and become ugly and unsightly. 

 Because most similar "Day Collar" stores ONLY have nickel plated locks, they will not tell you this.  The will always skirt around the issue as well as be misleading about what the lock's metal actually is.  For this reason we offer the nickel plated locks as "free" and our custom locks as "upgrades". 

We don't play those games here at ToBeHis.  Only the BEST is good enough for our customers.  For this reason we have spent hundred of hours and Tens of Thousands of dollars developing and producing our custom Pure Metal Locks.  We are the ONLY store in the world to offer our Jewelry Quality, Custom locks in Solid Precious Metals like Sterling Silver and 14K gold as well as solid 316L Surgical Quality Stainless Steel. 

This being said, you should always get, if in your budget, the same metal lock as your collar.  We strongly recommend NOT mixing metals.  If for some reason your budget doesn't allow for the collar and upgraded lock/clasp then the Nickel plated lock is sufficient until you can get the same metal lock or clasp.  PLEASE SEE INFORMATION BELOW FOR STERLING VS STAINLESS

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Are your silver products plated or coated?

All of our products are made of the highest grade SOLID metals.  This means our Sterling Silver, 14K gold, and 316L Stainless steel products are all made of the purest metals available in the world.  We DO NOT plate or coat our precious metals. They are all 100% hypoallergenic (see hypoallergenic above for more info) and have no other metal coatings or platings (eg. Rhodium, Fine Silver) what so ever. ANY ITEM THAT IS COATED OR PLATED IS LOW QUALITY JEWELRY.   Please see "Plating and coating" below for more detailed information.

Are your products Hypoallergenic?

All of our custom items* are 100% nickel free and totally Hypoallergenic.  We pride ourselves on offering our customers the highest quality metals on the planet.  To us this is the only logical way to do business.  We know if our customers are happy we are happy.

What metals cause allergies?

The number one metal that causes an allergic skin reaction is nickel.  Lower quality jewelry use lower quality metals and typically contain nickel. About 99% of all people who get an allergic reaction to jewelry is because of it's nickel content.  Metals like Gold, Fine Silver, and Platinum in their 100% pure state are considered 100% inert and hypoallergenic.  Unfortunately, most jewelry is not "pure" metal and is mixed with other metals to make them stronger and more durable or to add color.  Metals like 14K/18K gold, Sterling Silver, and Stainless steel are all mixed with other metals.like nickel, copper, selenium, and brass.  While rare, some people can be allergic to these metals as well. There is no way to avoid these metals in most jewelry but our jewelry is nickel free and covers 99% of all people who are allergic to jewelry.

I think I am allergic to Sterling Silver!

This is one of the most common misconceptions people make. Not all Sterling Silver is the same!  If you have previously had an allergic reaction to "Sterling Silver" it is because it was more than likely mixed with nickel.  Pure (fine) Silver is "inert" and therefore totally hypoallergenic.  To make it stronger for jewelry use, Sterling Silver is mixed with other metals.  Our sterling is made of the highest Quality metals and has absolutely NO NICKEL additives.  This is the BEST Sterling Silver on the market and hypoallergenic to 99% of all people.

* Because our competitors can ONLY offer lower quality metal padlocks we also offer them (as a "free lock").  These locks are typically made of a zinc alloy and then plated with copper and finally plated in nickel and polished to a mirror shine. If you have jewelry allergies this is not the lock for you. 

We are the ONLY store in the ENTIRE WORLD to offer locks in Nickel Free Precious Hypoallergenic Metals. (Sterling Silver, 14/18K gold and Surgical Stainless Steel)

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Discrete Packaging?

What is a "Day Collar?"

Sterling Silver VS. Stainless Steel

MIXING METALS (STERLING WITH STAINLESS)

How do I care for and clean my collar and lock?

Our High Quality products are so very easy to clean.  Since most all of our collars and locks are 24/7 wearable (see below for exceptions) just soaping them up when bathing is enough to keep them clean and shiny.  Of course make sure to rise them with clear water afterwards.

Stainless Steel is a very hardy metal and can be maintained with just soap and water.  Surprisingly enough, even Sterling Silver and Gold can also be kept clean and tarnish free this way as well. 

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Why is my Sterling Silver (or 14K gold) Tarnishing?

Tarnish is a natural process for ANY real sterling silver or gold.  How much or how fast your sterling or gold collar and lock will tarnish depends on many factors like your body's chemistry as well as environment (air, water, chemicals).  Things like hair products, perfumes, smoke, your area's air, can all contribute to tarnish.  How fast it tarnishes depends on the severity of the culprit.   Some perfumes and hair products can tarnish your jewelry in seconds.  Other things like salty air or if you have a high concentration of sulfur in the air, can tarnish your jewelry in just a few days or faster.

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How Do I Remove Tarnish?

If your sterling or gold collar does tarnish we recommend using a good silver polish or dip.  These items can be purchased at just about any hardware store or supermarket.  Our favorite is a product called "Tarnex" (see video below)  It is literally a dip (or wipe) for 5 seconds and the tarnish is magically gone!  Just remember that Tarnex works only on "tarnish" and you should clean your collar or lock with soap and water first to clean off any dirt or oils first before using the Tarnex.  Also remember to rinse the collar or lock after using the Tarnex.  Then just wipe dry with a paper towel or soft cloth/towel to shine.

There are many good silver polishes out there as well.  Many of these have mild abrasives that can be used if your collar is lightly scratched.  Always follow the manufacturer's directions. 

There are also many "jeweler's cloths" out there that are wonderful for a quick and easy shine.  Many are formulated to remove tarnish and polish as you wipe.  Again, always read the manufacturer's description and instructions before using on your special collar.

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How do I care for my Leather collar?

Our Leather products are made from the Best Quality Leathers.  With the proper care they too will last a lifetime.  They are not meant to be worn during swimming or bathing and should be regularly cleaned and conditioned as you would with any high grade leather.  There are many leather cleaners and conditioners available on Amazon or at your local hardware store or supermarket.  Our favorite is from a company named "Bickmore" and the product is "Bick 4".  This stuff is amazing!  It conditions, cleans, polishes and protects all in one product.  We purchase it on Amazon and we love it!

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How do I care for my Pearl Collar?

Our pearl collars are made of genuine color enhanced salt water pearls.  While pearls can withstand being wet they should always be kept dry if possible.  Wetting and bathing with your pearls can discolor them and make them look dull and dingy. Please let us know if you have any other questions about our pearl products.

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HOW DO I SIZE MY COLLAR?
CAN YOU HELP ME GET THE RIGHT SIZE?

Because each person is different in what they consider to be "comfortable" or "appropriate" we are not able give any advise or suggestions on what is the "best fit" or the "right size" for your collar.  We have been doing this a long time.  We quickly learned that there is no exact formula or "standard" when it comes to sizing a day collar.  For this reason we have gone to great lengths to devise a "method" by which the customer, if done as instructed, can get the best fit for them.  You can find the "Sizing Tutorial" Videos at the top of any page here on our website. 

DO YOU DO REPAIRS/AUGMENTATION/OR SHORTENING?

.Unfortunately we are not a repair shop. While we do not offer any repair/augumentation or shortening services, if an honored customer just can't find a jeweler to fix their item we can do this kind of work but due to our limited time we have to charge a minimum bench fee of $95.00 plus parts & shipping. Most repair/augmentation or shotening can be done for much less by your local jewler or even Pawn Shop and most times while you wait. Our processing for these kinds of jobs are 2-4 weeks and sometimes longer depending on the time of year. If you just can't or don't want to find someone locally we can offer you this service.

NEVER DO'S

Never wear your collar around any harsh chemicals. Things like hair dyes and hair straighteners can stain Sterling, Gold and even Stainless Steel.  While chlorine from swimming pools is not harmful to any of our products, it can speed up tarnish on Sterling and Gold.  Always rinse your collar and lock with clear water after swimming at the beach or pool.  Remember, use common sense.  If you think something you're doing might damage your collar you should always remove it to protect it.  With the proper care your collar and lock will last a lifetime!

What Shipping Services do you offer?

Our standard shipping carrier is the United States Postal Service (USPS). We use USPS for both Domestic as well as International shipping.  We might be able to offer other services for International (only) but this depends on your country.  Please contact us if you have any questions about shipping BEFORE you make your purchase.

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What Countries do you ship to?

We ship all over the world!  If your country is not offered in our shipping it is because the United States Postal Service (USPS)  or DHL does not go there.  If this is the case you can write us (BEFORE you purchase) and request using another shipping service if USPS or DHL does not ship to your country.

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