FAQ

We are people just like you, just a normal D/s married couple living and working in the lifestyle.  Just like many of our customers, we live between the two worlds of the "lifestyle" and the "vanilla" world.  This gives us a tremendous insight and experience in what we do.  We are also consumers just like you.  We have kids, a home, pets and a mortgage etc...  We want the best quality for our hard earned money and expect nothing more than the best customer service.  This is the business philosophy we run ToBeHis on.  We strive to use the best quality materials, have the best workmanship, and give our honored customers the Superior Customer Service they deserve.  With ToBeHis you can always expect the best of everything.  

We started ToBeHis almost 10 years ago and are one of the first BDSM Day Collar stores to ever exist.  During this time we have worked so very hard to bring you the most beautiful, unique and Best Day Collars and locks in the world.  We take pride in what we do and strive for perfection with each custom piece we make.

We are YOU and we know what you want and need...  Remember, not all similar things are the same...  We have many competitors who have copied our items and use inferior materials and workmanship.  When you purchase from ToBeHis you can be assured you are getting the best product for your money.  Remember, you get what you pay for... Not all Day Collar stores uphold such a high standard.

WELCOME TO TOBEHIS!!

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The  product picture in each listing on the model's neck is typically shown with the Mini Sized Heart lock.  This lock is basically the same size in all 4 metal types (Nickel Plated, Sterling, 14K Gold, 316L Stainless).  Some modeled pictures have our World Famous Screw Clasp and generally style #1.  If you have any other questions please email us.

First we want to make clear the the Nickel Plated locks are considered to be only TEMPORARY and while they can be bathed in without damaging the function of the lock, the plating will eventually wear off (1-3 months) and become ugly and unsightly. 

 Because most similar "Day Collar" stores ONLY have nickel plated locks, they will not tell you this.  The will always skirt around the issue as well as be misleading about what the lock's metal actually is.  For this reason we offer the nickel plated locks as "free" and our custom locks as "upgrades". 

We don't play those games here at ToBeHis.  Only the BEST is good enough for our customers.  For this reason we have spent hundred of hours and Tens of Thousands of dollars developing and producing our custom Pure Metal Locks.  We are the ONLY store in the world to offer our Jewelry Quality, Custom locks in Solid Precious Metals like Sterling Silver and 14K gold as well as solid 316L Surgical Quality Stainless Steel. 

This being said, you should always get, if in your budget, the same metal lock as your collar.  We strongly recommend NOT mixing metals.  If for some reason your budget doesn't allow for the collar and upgraded lock/clasp then the Nickel plated lock is sufficient until you can get the same metal lock or clasp.  PLEASE SEE INFORMATION BELOW FOR STERLING VS STAINLESS

All of our products are made of the highest grade SOLID metals.  This means our Sterling Silver, 14K gold, and 316L Stainless steel products are all made of the purest metals available in the world.  We DO NOT plate or coat our precious metals. They are all 100% hypoallergenic (see hypoallergenic above for more info) and have no other metal coatings or platings (eg. Rhodium, Fine Silver) what so ever. ANY ITEM THAT IS COATED OR PLATED IS LOW QUALITY JEWELRY.   Please see "Plating and coating" below for more detailed information.

All of our custom items* are 100% nickel free and totally Hypoallergenic.  We pride ourselves on offering our customers the highest quality metals on the planet.  To us this is the only logical way to do business.  We know if our customers are happy we are happy.

The number one metal that causes an allergic skin reaction is nickel.  Lower quality jewelry use lower quality metals and typically contain nickel. About 99% of all people who get an allergic reaction to jewelry is because of it's nickel content.  Metals like Gold, Fine Silver, and Platinum in their 100% pure state are considered 100% inert and hypoallergenic.  Unfortunately, most jewelry is not "pure" metal and is mixed with other metals to make them stronger and more durable or to add color.  Metals like 14K/18K gold, Sterling Silver, and Stainless steel are all mixed with other metals.like nickel, copper, selenium, and brass.  While rare, some people can be allergic to these metals as well. There is no way to avoid these metals in most jewelry but our jewelry is nickel free and covers 99% of all people who are allergic to jewelry.

This is one of the most common misconceptions people make. Not all Sterling Silver is the same!  If you have previously had an allergic reaction to "Sterling Silver" it is because it was more than likely mixed with nickel.  Pure (fine) Silver is "inert" and therefore totally hypoallergenic.  To make it stronger for jewelry use, Sterling Silver is mixed with other metals.  Our sterling is made of the highest Quality metals and has absolutely NO NICKEL additives.  This is the BEST Sterling Silver on the market and hypoallergenic to 99% of all people.

* Because our competitors can ONLY offer lower quality metal padlocks we also offer them (as a "free lock").  These locks are typically made of a zinc alloy and then plated with copper and finally plated in nickel and polished to a mirror shine. If you have jewelry allergies this is not the lock for you. 

We are the ONLY store in the ENTIRE WORLD to offer locks in Nickel Free Precious Hypoallergenic Metals. (Sterling Silver, 14/18K gold and Surgical Stainless Steel)

All of our items come securely gift wrapped in our beautiful black and silver logo box with a pretty silver elastic bow to close it.  Depending on the size of your item determines what size box we use.  In each box is usually our business card.

For most orders we ship in our plain black bubble mailers addressed from "P&V" for opitmal discreetness. Orders shipped using USPS Priority or Priority Express (or other carrier) may be in a special envelope or box provided by the shipping carrier.  No invoice is included in the box since the buyer receives an electronic invoice via email after the purchase.

NOTE:  If you have special packaging requirements (no logo on boxes or no business card inside etc...) please email us at help@tobehis.com and will will do our best to accomodate you.   

While Day Collars were never intended to be worn 24/7 we know many of our customers want a collar that can be worn all the time without ever having to be taken off. (Please see "what is a Day Collar" above).  Most of our collars are rated for 24/7 continuous wear but some are not. Collars not rated for 24/7 wear are rated as "Daily Wear" (see "What does Daily Wear" mean" below).

While our 24/7 collars are made of the highest quality 100% hypoallergenic metals available in the world, please remember they are still "Jewelry." 

It would seem there are many concepts and ideas on what 24/7 means so here is our definition for our store and products:

24/7 Wear Definition:

You can sleep, bath or swim in our 24/7 rated collars with no worries of damaging  the collar (or lock) by wetting.  While this means the collar can be worn continually, it doesn't mean the collar does not have to be maintained and taken care of.  If the collar needs to be cleaned then more than likely, to do a good job, it will have to be removed to do so.  Please understand that a 24/7 rating does not make the collar "magical" or indestructible.  Please use common sense when selecting your 24/7 high quality jewelry day collar.  (Please read "What is a Day Collar" above for more information). Please make sure to read the product's description for the collars "wear rating."  

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PLEASE USE COMMON SENSE!  OUR PRODUCTS ARE NOT MAGICAL NOR ARE THEY INDESTRUCTIBLE.  WE MAKE HIGH QUALITY SYMBOLIC "JEWELRY" NOT EQUIPMENT.  IF YOU THINK THE COLLAR IN QUESTION WILL BE A PROBLEM THEN IT MORE THAN LIKELY WILL BE.  JUST BECAUSE WE SAY IT CAN BE SLEPT IN DOESN'T MEAN IT MIGHT NOT JAB/POKE YOU OR IRRITATE YOU DURING SLEEPING.  AGAIN, PLEASE USE COMMON SENSE AND WRITE US IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS. THANK YOU

Typically "Day Collars" are not intended to be worn 24/7 or continually (please see "what is a day collar above).  While most of our Day Collars can be worn 24/7, some Day Collars are not capable of withstanding things like sleeping, being worn to the gym, hiking etc... 

All of our collars are made of pure high grade metals that can withstand being wet (bathed in) with no worries of damage and are 100% hypoallergenic with no worries of any allergic reaction.  The "Daily Wear" collar is one that would be used for special occasions like going out to dinner or a special event and then taken off at the end of the evening and put away for the next special event.  If these particular collars are worn continually (never taken off) they are subject to being damaged and/or broken.  Please pay attention to the product's description where the collar will be listed as for "Daily Wear" or as for "24/7 Continual" wear.

The "Casual Wear" rating is primarily for leather products and for pearl products.  These "Day Collars" are not rated or recommended to be worn during bathing or swimming.  While both the leather and pearls can withstand being wet, over time water can damage your leather or pearl collar.  Pearl  collars are also not recommended to be slept in. Natural pearls are too delicate to be slept in as this can also damage them. 

If your leather collar gets wet you can follow the insructions below for cleaning and preserving your leather collar.  If your pearls get wet, dry them off as soon as possible with a cloth or paper  towel.  Please let us know if you have any other questions or concerns about our leather or pearl products.

Stainless and Sterling are two different metals that we don't recommend mixing.  There are many reasons for this but the main ones are metal hardness and color.  Steel is a much harder metal than Silver and if used together can have a damaging effect on the sterling.  While these two metals may individually both look "silver" colored, held side by side there is a pretty dramatic color difference (stainless being more "gray" and sterling being more "white").  While we can't really stop a customer from mixing these two metals, we keep them separated and only offer like metals (ie. stainless collars with stainless locks and sterling with sterling)  in our product listings.  The reason we don't offer all the different lock shapes and sizes in both metals is really about cost.  Most people don't really think of what goes into making just one product.  Each lock design literally costs thousands of dollars to create and make.  The process of doing this requires many hours of work including things like: 3D CAD design, 3D model printing, rubber molds, casting and finally production.  This is a lot of work and investment and for us and since we are just a small shop, we are not able to do it.  The demand is just not there so therefore it is just not cost effective or feasible for us to do.

If you ask us (this is just our preference) we will always tell you Silver is the best choice of metal to get.  This is because we feel Silver is a more beautiful colored metal and also for the obvious, it is a valuable metal with excellent "resale" value.  Silver will always have a monetary value for resale while stainless steel is worth almost nothing as a commodity for resale. 

This is a very good question.  While sterling is a "softer" metal than steel this has nothing to do with it's longevity as jewelry.  Properly taken care of a sterling piece of jewelry will last literally many lifetimes, after all, it still is a metal.  How you take care of  your jewelry determines how long it will last.  Remember, Day collars are jewelry representations of the lifestyle and NOT used for any kind of practical lifestyle activity.  They should never be subject to any kind of stress and are only to be used for "ornamental" (show) purposes and never for restraint or play.  (Please see above "what is a day collar.) Finally, your budget is also a big factor, silver is always going to be more expensive than steel.

While we cannot stop you from purchasing and mixing metals of our products we do want to let you know that our Professional Advice is not to do it.  There are many reasons for not mixing metals particularly when it comes to "metal hardness" as each metal has it's own.  Stainless steel is much harder than silver and can prematurely wear the silver causing damage you would not have had you used same metals.  Another reason we don't mix metals is while both Stainless and Sterling appear "silvery,"  side by side there is a stark difference, a very noticeable difference.  Stainless is more dark while sterling is brighter and whiter.  Of course this is only very obvious when the two are used together.  For this reason you will find that we do not offer mixed metals in our options, only same metals.  Again, we can't stop you but please know it is not something we recommend or support.

Our High Quality products are so very easy to clean.  Since most all of our collars and locks are 24/7 wearable (see below for exceptions) just soaping them up when bathing is enough to keep them clean and shiny.  Of course make sure to rise them with clear water afterwards.

Stainless Steel is a very hardy metal and can be maintained with just soap and water.  Surprisingly enough, even Sterling Silver and Gold can also be kept clean and tarnish free this way as well. 

Tarnish is a natural process for ANY real sterling silver or gold.  How much or how fast your sterling or gold collar and lock will tarnish depends on many factors like your body's chemistry as well as environment (air, water, chemicals).  Things like hair products, perfumes, smoke, your area's air, can all contribute to tarnish.  How fast it tarnishes depends on the severity of the culprit.   Some perfumes and hair products can tarnish your jewelry in seconds.  Other things like salty air or if you have a high concentration of sulfur in the air, can tarnish your jewelry in just a few days or faster.

If your sterling or gold collar does tarnish we recommend using a good silver polish or dip.  These items can be purchased at just about any hardware store or supermarket.  Our favorite is a product called "Tarnex" (see video below)  It is literally a dip (or wipe) for 5 seconds and the tarnish is magically gone!  Just remember that Tarnex works only on "tarnish" and you should clean your collar or lock with soap and water first to clean off any dirt or oils first before using the Tarnex.  Also remember to rinse the collar or lock after using the Tarnex.  Then just wipe dry with a paper towel or soft cloth/towel to shine.

There are many good silver polishes out there as well.  Many of these have mild abrasives that can be used if your collar is lightly scratched.  Always follow the manufacturer's directions. 

There are also many "jeweler's cloths" out there that are wonderful for a quick and easy shine.  Many are formulated to remove tarnish and polish as you wipe.  Again, always read the manufacturer's description and instructions before using on your special collar.

Our Leather products are made from the Best Quality Leathers.  With the proper care they too will last a lifetime.  They are not meant to be worn during swimming or bathing and should be regularly cleaned and conditioned as you would with any high grade leather.  There are many leather cleaners and conditioners available on Amazon or at your local hardware store or supermarket.  Our favorite is from a company named "Bickmore" and the product is "Bick 4".  This stuff is amazing!  It conditions, cleans, polishes and protects all in one product.  We purchase it on Amazon and we love it!

NOTE:  We only recommend locks and clasps that have a key.  Permanent locks are not recommended for leather collars.

Because each person is different in what they consider to be "comfortable" or "appropriate" we are not able give any advise or suggestions on what is the "best fit" or the "right size" for your collar.  We have been doing this a long time.  We quickly learned that there is no exact formula or "standard" when it comes to sizing a day collar.  For this reason we have gone to great lengths to devise a "method" by which the customer, if done as instructed, can get the best fit for them.  You can find the "Sizing Tutorial" Videos at the top of any page here on our website. 

Our pearl collars are made of genuine color enhanced salt water pearls.  While pearls can withstand being wet they should always be kept dry if possible.  Wetting and bathing with your pearls can discolor them and make them look dull and dingy. Please let us know if you have any other questions about our pearl products.

Never wear your collar around any harsh chemicals. Things like hair dyes and hair straighteners can stain Sterling, Gold and even Stainless Steel.  While chlorine from swimming pools is not harmful to any of our products, it can speed up tarnish on Sterling and Gold.  Always rinse your collar and lock with clear water after swimming at the beach or pool.  Remember, use common sense.  If you think something you're doing might damage your collar you should always remove it to protect it.  With the proper care your collar and lock will last a lifetime!

Because each piece is made individually and with our own two hands from scratch, we couldn't possibly wholesale in any quantity that would benefit us.

Yes, the black coated locks and collars are Hypoallergenic as well as 24/7 and can withstand normal daily activities like sweating, bathing, and swimming.  Just remember any item that has a "coating" or "plating" will eventually wear off.  It doesn't matter where it comes from, plating is temporary.  It can last years or only months.  How fast depends on how you care for it as well as things like environment and body chemistry. We only carry a few black items and this is due to customer requests.  As you can see 99% of our products are solid pure metals that will last a lifetime.  Other than our black coated items we don't make anything "plated" or "coated" for this reason.

We do not sell hardware. We sell High quality Jewelry symbolic of our lifestyle. With the proper care our products will last a lifetime.

Please remember that these are DAY COLLARS (see definition above), and as such they are High quality jewelry and STRICTLY for ornamental  (show) use. Sterling Silver and 14/18K gold are soft precious metals. Under no circumstance are these intended for anything other than wearing as you would any other High Quality Fine jewelry. ( i.e. no pulling, restraining, tugging or stressing) Doing so will subject your collar/lock to being possibly damaged.

Stainless Steel and Nickel Plated (locks) are stronger metals, but still fall under the day collar definition and care. Again, please use common sense when wearing our lifestyle jewelry.

While we appreciate the kind offer, we do not offer any free merchandise for any reason; due to the custom, handcrafted and typically high ticket nature of our pieces.

ABSOLUTELY YES!  We pride ourselves on being a 100% custom shop and are highly skilled Artisans who are experts in our craft. If you have an idea or design you would like made just let us know and we will work with you to make it a reality. Just email us (help@tobehis) with your idea and we can go from there.  Any drawings or sketches even if they're very simple is always a help.  

Also, we can mix and match anything in our store so if you see two (or more items) that you like and want to combine it just let us know. We are always here to help!

IF WE HAVE NOT ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION HERE IN OUR FAQ's PLEASE WRITE US AND LET US KNOW.  WE ARE ALWAYS HERE TO HELP!

There is only a short amount of time between when you place your order and when we start processing it. If you contact us straight away after ordering, via help@tobehis.com, we may be able to cancel your order before it’s processed. After 24 hours your order can no longer be cancelled.  Please contact us for more information.

Once your order has been made (please check processing times on each listing) your order will be shipped.  You will receive an email notification with all the shipping details.  Shipping speed and how long it takes to get to you depends on which shipping service you select for your purchase.  We offer most all shipping speeds with as fast as next day delivery.  If you need your collar expedited you should contact us first to be sure we are able to help you.  

We ship all over the world!  If your country is not offered in our shipping it is because the United States Postal Service (USPS)  or DHL does not go there.  If this is the case you can write us (BEFORE you purchase) and request using another shipping service if USPS or DHL does not ship to your country.

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Shipping costs depend on the item you’ve ordered and the country where it’s being delivered.  All shipping costs are shown at checkout before finalizing the order.  This will give you an exact total depending on which service you've selected.  

INTERNATIONAL ORDERS (OUTSIDE US) We have nothing to do with your country's customs import taxes and duties.  Please check with your country's customs department for more information specific to your country.  

Our standard shipping carrier is the United States Postal Service (USPS). We use USPS for both Domestic as well as International shipping.  We might be able to offer other services for International (only) but this depends on your country.  Please contact us if you have any questions about shipping BEFORE you make your purchase.

We do not accept returns or exchanges as explained in the store's policies .  Under certain circumstances we might be able to make alterations to certain pieces though. Please contact us using the "contact us" form to see if your piece is eligible.

While rare, we are humans and we do make mistakes, if your order is not as it should be we are always here for our honored customers.  Please just write us and we'll do our best to make it right for you.  Any other issues as well, just write us and we can see what we can do.  

In the event that your order arrives damaged or faulty, please take photos of the product in question and email our customer service team via help@tobehis.com with the details. We’ll respond within 48 hours. 

Customers are given 24 hours after a purchase is made to cancel their order- with the lucky exception that your order was made and shipped early. Immediately following those 24 hours we begin handcrafting your custom piece(s) and a cancelation is no longer possible. If you would like to cancel your order and you are within those initial 24 hours and the previously mentioned exception does not apply, just send us a message using the "contact us" form and we will be happy to do so!

We are a full custom Artisan shop with 20 years combined Silver/Gold smith experience.  Feel free to write us with your idea.  Pictures or drawings are always helpful!  Contact us at help@tobehis.com